This Post Doesn't Deserve a Title

So I've decided something...

I don't want it...
I don't want it anymore.

I love him, I love him to death and back again.
And I always will.

And I love him, too.
I love both of them.
This is frustrating.
What does one do with the feelings they once harvested towards someone else as soon as they have moved onto another person, one whom they could NEVER be without?

What do you do?

I really need to have a chat with my Sammy Skye. She's been in this boat before, and I really miss her. It like I'm two different people who act the same in both situations...

I'm the drama nerd/band geek who loves theatre and everything about band, yet I am the sport chick who loves just hanging out with her friends outside of the other activities. The friends who she KNOWS she has relationships with, because they (when she has time) get together outside of activites. I really don't feel like I belong... anyplace, anywhere.

I feel like that outsider who everyone talks to, but no one listens. Kind of. Like, I'm just another sentence in a novel. Another word in the dictionary. Another letter in the alphabet...

It's pretty crazy.
And I kind of like it at times.
But sometimes I like being payed attention to, I like having someone besides Josh be interested in what I have to say.

***************

On another note, I feel really ew today.
Probably because I went to the doctor for an A.D.D. check up and it almost always turns into a "you need to lose weight and I have to remind you" check up.

He called me "almost obese" today.
Almost obese?

So what are the people on Biggest Loser?
Huh?
What do you call that?!

He goes, "Now, I'm not saying you're obese, but you really need to lose 15 - 20 lbs." At least he lowered the amount he wanted me to lose. Before it was 40lbs.

This really makes me unhappy.
Because I really want to be the skinny, pretty one.
And I know it really didn't bother me when he told me, but now it's beginning to bug me very badly...

Actually, a lot of things are bothering me lately.

But no one really cares much about that, 'cept me.

But still...
Back to my original thought...

I don't want much of anything... all I want is just to be genuinely happy. I'm somewhat contentish.
And quite frankly, it's been a while.

...

Well, now that I've started to ramble on about nothing...

Let's ramble some more!
w00t w00t.
Because I can't really do anything but post on Blogger because I'm at drama on Zach's compy.
His super, duper, sweet, awesome , neato MacBook.
Lucky duck.

At least I don't have anymore Analysis homework, because I finished it here.
*sigh* I feel so useless, it's pretty crazy.
Don't mind me, I just get into these random blue funks about nothing, really.

...

....

....

Um... yeah.
So pretty much, I'm kind of really going insane right now, because I need to do something...
I might actually get to do something though, cuz Erin has her Senior Pictures at 6, leaving at 5:30.

Yeah.

So...

I think I shall bid thee adieu for now,
Trying to stay afloat.
Which won't be too difficult, because I'm "almost obese."

P-shaw.
Doctors.
Anklers.
Footbones.
Bruises.
Everything that just sends me up the wall....

Go away.
Please.
She's not here anymore.
She just wants to be completely invisible.
She doesn't wanna be bothered anymore.
Leave her go.

Just ...

Leave her go.