more than a one day challenge

(to a friend)

I joined you today, and though I did not take a vow of silence, I took a fast from spoken words.

I am very proud of you and Cally and anyone else this inspires for making this step on your own, and having a reason for doing so.

I enjoy(ed) reading Cally's and your posts, genuinely and thoroughly. It makes me think, and it gives me suggestions for my own quest. I, however, probably will not post my own findings on facebook, though I keep a journal, but I write this message to disclose my reasons and findings to you. I think you will find them interesting. Share them and use them as you wish, and I will continue reading your posts. :)

Today, I began my observance of a fast from words. Today, I primarily focused on refraining from spoken words. It has begun as an experiment to see the effects and necessity of words in our culture. Today, I focused on kindness, slightly. Most of my day was spent getting used to not talking. And getting used to not being able to say, "thank you," and "bless you," and giving compliments. It drove me nuts by the end of it, mostly because it's a natural response for me to say those things.

I noticed how people generally accepted what I was doing, but a lot of them gave me a hard time about it. By the end of the day, I was so sick of hearing people ask what I could and couldn't do, and laughing at it, or giving me weird looks.

My teachers all thought it was interesting, but my Music Theory professor almost refused me from participating in group activity because I couldn't speak. I proved him wrong though, and finished my work correctly and faster than the rest of my group, and my class.

Christ College (the Honors College, basically English and Philosophy) was the most difficult to get through, especially because of what we were talking about. We're reading St. Augustine's "Confessions" - I recommend that to you, by the way - and the specific book we were on dealt with death and friendship and love. Somehow, I have a lot to say and have thought about these subjects frequently. And I realized that I couldn't voice any of it. Poop. I made it, though, barely.

Throughout the day, I realized how much more time I had to think. I realize that sometimes my words and speech make compelling arguments, but it's simply that. An argument. I dig holes with my words and make an intellectual or grandiloquent fool out of myself. I also realize how much time it takes to make an impulsive response. If you take a moment to think about what you are about to say, you miss your chance to give your input. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I have yet to find out.

As I read your note, I felt the same about the majority of it. People are speaking to be heard... a lot of times people are being spoken at, not to, just waiting for someone to listen. Perhaps it's out of instinctive selfishness. Who knows.

I am with you, when you speak of how draining it is. I agree, entirely. I think that because it is nearly instinctive to speak, not-speaking is a more difficult task, and thus, it takes an abundance of energy to keep up the effort. I felt so many different emotions today that I lost count.

Tomorrow, I will move on to my next phase: fasting from spoken, and typed and written words. It will be WAY more difficult. Even today, I cheated a little, and wrote words. It's still written suitcases conveying meaning. I still make sounds. I'll admit too, that I accidentally slipped once or twice, and asked my roommate if she didn't mind me drying my hair or helping out my friend out with plates for her birthday cake.

Tomorrow though, I will not write words on paper. I hope I can do it. And now that I know I can make it 24 hours without spoken words, I may make my focus happiness tomorrow, with you. I will look at their eyes, and I will try and figure out what lies beneath those faces of the children, sweet children of a college campus.

I've learned, and I'm sure you're already figuring it out, that life is messy. And it only gets messier as one grows older. It shows in the people's faces. I want to see if there's a connection between what lies beneath those eyes and what is real, you know? Maybe for some people, it shows, but they are more positive, so it adds a bit of youth to their faces. And for someone else, the ones who let it affect them, they look more aged.

That's what I'm going to look for tomorrow, and as you can probably see, it's going to be a tough day.

Wish me luck; thank you, my darling for the support. I keep you, Kelly, and anyone else you have impacted with this study in my prayers.

I love you,
~ Hilary

p.s. (and you can show this to Kelly if you'd like)
"May the Lord bless you and keep you,
May the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you,
May the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you His peace,
Forever and ever,
Amen."

confused and conflicted

Disconnected.
Selfish.
Odd.
Bittersweet.

It's driving me nuts.
This is how I feel.

I feel weird.
Like I'm weird.
Like I just can't make up my mind.

Everything seems so shallow.
Some of it feels happy, yes.
But there's this small inclination in the back of my head
And it's whispering & it's telling me,
"It won't last."

Nothing I feel,
or see,
or hear,
or touch...

...will last.

And I don't know how to get rid of it.

I don't know what I want yet.
but when I do,
I'll let you know.

But for now,
I still love you.
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
A whole, whole lot.

And I just want to close my eyes,
& remove all of the distractions.

I want to burrow myself into your arms,
And I want you to sing me a song.

"...don't change a hair for me,
Not if you care for me,
Stay, little Valentine, stay.
Please, stay.
Each day is Valentine's Day.
Each day is Valentine's Day."

---

And here's my song, not really anything except an accurate depiction of my mind at present:

Sweeter than Me
Aaron Sprinkle

Yesterday morning when you told me,
That you have never felt this lonely,
I saw the sadness in your eyes.
You told me how you feel disguised.

Confiding in me about the sleepless
nights, That you cannot seem to keep this
hurting buried in your dreams.
You're facing darkness twice as deep.

You're much sweeter than me by far.
You're much stronger than me,
You know you are.

Look up at the floral pattern curtains.
In picking them out, you were so certain.
But now there's indecision in your eyes.
You're finding comfort thinking twice.

But you're much sweeter than me by far.
You're much stronger than me,
You know you are.

By leaning on your window sill,
You show me all I need to know.
Whether you see summer, winter, or fall,
When I look at you, I see them all.

Sit down at the table with your jewelry,
Remembering each and every story.

But you're much sweeter than me by far.
You're much stronger than me by far.
You're much sweeter than me by far.
You're much stronger than me,
You know you are.

Wow.

My boyfriend could possibly be...
the worst microwave popcorn maker...

...ever.

: ]
but i love him anyway.
^-^

oh, and happy 'o8, everyone.
hahahaha

I need you here tonight, just like the ocean needs the waves...

i wish i could talk to him.
i wish i could know just what to say.

i wish i could say hi to you.
i wish i wouldn't be so shy.
i wish that i could speak.
i wish that you wouldn't be so harsh.

i wish that you would just be real.
i wish that you could just say something right.

i wish i had words.

i have no words left.
i have no words to say.
they're all gone.

i cannot speak.
i cannot move.
i cannot breathe.

i'm just fine.
just dandy and fine.
i just have no more words.

they're all gone...

The Ocean
~ Mae ~

Am I alone in this?
Never a night where I could sleep myself 'til day.
We must try to figure it out, figure it out.
It won't be that easy; we lost it somehow.

You come over unannounced,
Silence broken by your voice in the dark.
I need you here tonight, just like the ocean needs the waves.

Oh, the night becomes the space that's somewhere in between
What I feel and what I'm told.
Sitting on the shoreline trying to figure it out, figure it out,
To find out the meaning and reach it somehow.

You come over unannoucned,
Silence broken by your voice in the dark.
I need you here tonight just like the ocean needs the waves.
Fall around me now
Like stars that shine and brighten the way.
I need you here tonight just like this night, it needs the rain.

The seasons have changed,
The wind, it blows colder now, colder now.
The clouds are raised,
The rain, it falls harder now, all around.

You come over unannounced, (will you come over now?)
Silence broken by your voice in the dark.
I need you here tonight just like the ocean needs the waves. (I need you here tonight, the sky, it rains)
Fall around me now (so fall around me now)
Like stars that shine and brighten the way.
I need you here tonight just like tonight needs the rain. (I need you here tonight, the sky, it rains)

You come over unannounced, (will you come over now?)
Silence broken by your voice in the dark.
I need you here tonight just like the ocean needs the waves. (I need you here tonight, the sky, it rains)
Just like the stars that fall around me now.

Oh...

...the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be

I went home sick today.
I got home, went to my room, shut the door.
I turned my music on.
And listened.
And I began to think. And think. And think.

And I realized that it's times like last night and days like today that make me never want to move on.
I want to stay right here.
And soak everything up.

Everything is so perfect.
Even when my mom and I fight.
Even when I come to vocal jazz crying.
Even when I am sick.

God has blessed me incredibly.
With a mom who forgives, and lets go of any grudge.
With friends who care for me and my well-being.
With health that's better than those less fortunate.
With life.
And intelligence.

I went to bed last night and the song, Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls began to play.
And I just listened.
Like I did today.
And I am so thankful for those moments,
And those songs,
That make a moment so fitting
To everything rushing through my mind.

Today was a good day.
Not like a "he-just-gave-me-roses" good day.
Not an "I-aced-that-math-test good" day.
But an "everything-just-went-right" good day.
I haven't had a day like this in a very long time.
I usually feel like as soon as I wake, I hit the ground running,
And continue to do so until my head hits my pillow at night.
But today, oh,
Today was different.
It's like I woke with a refreshed perspective.
Or a more grateful attitude.
Or something...

But it's not like superficial good days.
Or materialistic good days.
The kind where one is boisterous and happy.

...

It's that kind of day where you sit, and a small, contented smile cracks open on your face.
And you want to cry,
Because you realized how bless you are...
And how in less than six months,
All of your blessings will start their new lives.
And all of your surroundings will change.

And everything begins anew.

I am happy right now.
I realized that I'm genuinely happy.
And I wish that this appreciative happiness could never leave.

I recently read a friend's blogpost and they mentioned a memory.
And they said they wish they could revisit that moment.
And stop time.
I, too, wish time could be suspended.
And every genuine thing that happens, I wish could be photo-captured.

I was thinking, once again, about high school and the transition to college.
I've got my college of choice.
There, I've got the person I want to be with forever, too.
I've got everything I need.
I said I was "so ready" to be done with high school.
But it was days like today that made me want to stay with these people.
I love them.
I need them.
They're amazing and talented.
God individually created each and every one of them.
They are precious.

And I don't want to find out what happens at the end of the story.
I do, but I'm sheepish.
I have some sort of idea of where my life is headed.
But I want to see the same people I've grown with for years, grow even more.
I want to watch them take different paths and see them make something of their gifts.
But I don't know who I'll know and won't know.
And who I'll meet and won't meet.
And while I'm excited to have a new family, at the same time, I'm terrified of the next chapter...

Just when we thought we were ready to leave...
Just when we're about to let go...
We reach out and claw for what we just let go of.
We grasp it.
And we cling onto it for dear life.

I think there's a time and place for everything.
And I think that our time to let go will call,
And there's no doubt, it's coming soon.
But right now, just relax.
Don't try to leave so quickly.
Hold my hands.
Listen.

I am happy.
I realized that I am genuinely...

...

...happy...

: DDD

so we've got two naaaaaames:

^-^

Issac Jacob

and

Ana Marie

because

those names are so perfect

and

we're really strange. lol

Future babies.
Yays!

x.x

i hate this class...



...probably more than i've ever hated anything in my entire life.



...and that's a lot.

[[ sigh ]]

<3

holy wow.

i've almost dated you for two whole years...



it's amazing.

Ahaha cute.

When The Sun Hits
~ the kid who must not be named ~

When the light rises and darkness falls,
The heat of the brightness starts to crawl.
And it rises and rises until it reaches your toes.
And the problems go away for the one you know.

And that sun on your face, it just melts away.
When the light hits your face, and you feel it.
Until you feel the problems just soothe away,
You can be glad for a bit, when the sun hits.

Then you can feel all the happiness go, bye,
When you see that friend start to cry.
You help and you help as much as you can.
Although she doesn't listen to you, like she can.

Then the sun is gone from an upsetting cloud.
And you lose all hope from the sight and sound.
The hopes and fears go rising about.
Until you get up and shout!

So you keep up the jokes and you pray for a smile.
Hoping that joy will come in a while.
More and more you try but there isn't a chance,
Until the smile is up and can dance.

And that sun on your face, it just melts away.
When the light hits your face, and you feel it.
Until you feel the problems just soothe away,
You can be glad for a bit, when the sun hits.

Then the sun is gone from an upsetting cloud,
And you lose all hope from the sight and sound.
The hopes and fears go rising about,
Until you get up and shout!

And that sun on your face, it just melts away.
When the light hits your face, and you feel it.
Until you feel the problems just soothe away,
You can be glad for a bit...

And that sun on your face, it just melts away.
When the light hits your face, and you feel it.
Until you feel the problems just soothe away,
You can be glad for a bit, when the sun hits.

When the light rises, and darkness falls.

----


It's not who you think it is.

It's not Joshhhhh.
Can you guess who it is?

oh my goodness, i love this kid
^-^

I hope he asks that girl...
: D
I knowwww whhhoooo iiittt isss.

despicable

you know was utterly bugs me?

...

killjoys.
who wants to bring someone down from a level of happiness to theirs?

x.x

it simply ruins the moment.
gahh.

ahahaha it's such a cute song!!

"One in a Million"
Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus)

How did I get here?
I turned around,
And there you were.
I didn't think twice or rationalize,
'Cuz somehow I knew
That there was more than just chemistry.
I mean, I knew you were kind of into me,
But I figured it's too good to be true.

I said, "Pinch me, where's the catch this time?
I can't find a single cloud in the sky.
Help me before I get used to this guy."

They say that good things take time,
But really great things happen in the blink of an eye.
Thought the chances to meet somebody like you were a million to one.
I can't believe it,
You're one in a million.

All this time I was looking for love,
Trying to make things work.
They weren't good enough.
Til I thought I'm through,
Said, "I'm done."
Then stumbled into the arms of the one.

You're making me laugh about the silliest stuff,
Say that I'm your "diamond in the rough."
When I'm mad at you,
You come with your velvet touch.
Can't believe that I'm so lucky.
I have never felt so happy,
Every time I see that sparkle in your eyes.

They say that good things take time,
But really great things happen in the blink of an eye.
Thought the chances to meet somebody like you were a million to one.
I can't believe it,
You're one in a million.

All this time I was looking for love,
Trying to make things work.
They weren't good enough.
Til I thought I'm through,
Said, "I'm done."
Then stumbled into the arms of the one.

I said, "Pinch me, where's the catch this time?
Can't find a single cloud in the sky.
Help me before I get used to this guy."

They say that good things take time,
But really great things happen in the blink of an eye.
Thought the chances to meet somebody like you were a million to one.
I can't believe it,
You're one in a million.

They say that good things take time,
But really great things happen in the blink of an eye.
Thought the chances to meet somebody like you were a million to one.
I can't believe it,
You're one in a million.
One in a million.
You're one in a million.

-----

^-^
tee hee.

<3
u,

~ chillie ~

Update and a Song to Set the Mood

mmmmmm.

^-^


I'm in a good mood right now.
whooo.

things that are good:

- not in the fall play = more time to do homework
- Panera
- Josh && me (I visited him last Monday)
- faster movement in music theory
- good workout in Early Bird
- I'm going to homecoming
- a good idea for a group homecoming dinner
- songs for A Cappella
- Wind Symphony has a good beginning sound
- we're playing higher grade music
- I get to conduct in the stands at football games

things that are not so good (and most are just plain really, really annoying):

- not in the fall play...
- english teachers just don't understand (wtf )
- pointless busywork (other than office helping)
- music theory (the class, not so much the teacher or the actual subject matter)
- the kids who are constantly tardy
- people who can't alphabetize
- it keeps raining
- marching band (stupid rain )
- I'm going to homecoming by myself
- Josh isn't here.

Otherwise, things are pretty peachy and Senior year is going great.

huzzah.

...
hmmm.

Here's a song.

I'm Taking You With Me
~ Relient K ~

I made a habit
Of never making promises
That aren't easy to keep.
And there you have it,
From now I'll make you one that is
To keep you here with me.

But as every second that goes by,
I feel it's just a waste of time
If I'm not with you.

If home is where the heart is
Then my home is where you are (my home is where you are).
It's getting oh so hard
To spend these days
Without my heart.

So I'm taking you with me
Anywhere that I
Could ever wanna be.
For the rest of my life,
I want you there with me.
And if there ever comes a time,
When I should have to leave,
I hope you know that I
I'm taking you with me.

And so I'm tryin'
To hold it all together and
Make it through the day.
When I'm just dyin'
To drop it all and take your hand
So we can run away.

And all the miles and the hours
That seem to endlessly devour
The time that I could be with you.

If home is where the heart is
Then my home is where you are (my home is where you are).
It's getting oh so hard
To spend these days
Without my heart.

So I'm taking you with me,
Anywhere that I
Could ever I wanna be.
For the rest of my life,
I want you there with me.
And if there ever comes a time,
Where I should have to leave,
I hope you know that I
I'm taking you with me.

Every second that goes by
Is one more second of my life.
And it couldn't be more clear
That I would die without you here.

And every second that goes by
Is one more second of my life.
And it couldn't be more clear
I'm dying without you here.

Yeah every second that goes by (yeah every second that goes by)

So I'm taking you with me,
Anywhere that I
Could ever I wanna be.
For the rest of my life
I want you there with me.
And if there ever comes a time,
Where I should have to leave,
I hope you know that I
I'm taking you with me.

Celui pour toi, mon amour.

<3

chillie

The First Day of School

Senior year, it is.

Today was the kick off for the final installment of my teenage life. Wow.
Pretty intense.

So intense that Little Reifsteck and my brother and I went to Chili's for a post-first-day-of-school snack.
w00t!

Well, I've got to get to writing!
Huzzah.

<3

chillie

Oh...

Here's some advice:

DON'T talk to your friends in a slightly flooded park after 11:00 p.m. curfew.

The police will ask for your name and birthday.

...

hahahaha... my love for Oswego.

xD.

Enjoy your days.

~ Hilary

I Was Difficult to See, But You Picked Me

You Picked Me
~ A Fine Frenzy ~

One, two, three...
Counting out the signs, we see
The tall buildings,
Fading in the distance,
Only dots on a map.

Four, five, six...
The two of us a perfect fit.
You're all mine, all mine.
And all I can say
Is you blow me away.

Like an apple on a tree,
Hiding out behind the leaves,
I was difficult to reach,
But you picked me.

Like a shell upon a beach,
Just another pretty piece,
I was difficult to see,
But you picked me.
Yeah, you picked me.

So softly,
Rain against the windows.
And the strong coffee,
Warming up my fingers
In this fisherman's house.

You got me.
You searched the sand,
And climbed the tree,
And brought me back down.
And all I can say
Is you blow me away.

Like an apple on a tree,
Hiding out behind the leaves,
I was difficult to reach,
But you picked me.

Like a shell upon a beach,
Just another pretty piece,
I was difficult to see,
But you picked me.
Yeah, you picked me.

Ohh.

Like an apple on a tree,
Hiding out behind the leaves,
I was difficult to reach,
But you picked me.

Like a shell upon a beach,
Just another pretty piece,
I was difficult to see,
But you picked me.
Yeah, you picked me.

Like an apple on a tree,
Hiding out behind the leaves,
I was difficult to reach,
But you picked me.

Like a shell upon a beach,
Just another pretty piece,
I was difficult to see,
But you picked me.
Yeah, you picked me.

And I just don't want to say goodbye.

It dawned on me the other day that the likelihood of seeing most of just this past year's graduates ever again is very slim...

It made me really sad.
I wish I never had to say goodbye.
I'm not ready to detach from the world I'm apart of and dive right into a brand new existence with unfamiliar people, new places, undiscovered things.

I'm not ready to get ready.
Maybe that's what senior year is for. Doing the last minute things you forgot to do on the way. The final test. The last bit of time to be a kid before you have to act like an adult and make decisions for you're future.

That's a lot of responsibility. I don't know if I can handle that yet. Planning the next sixty years of my life - in four to eight years?

...

This is what senioritis is: extensive excitement and anticipation to leave so that it won't hurt as much when the time comes.

Honest to goodness, I'm scared to grow up.

... it's not like I forgot to do anything beforehand.
I just don't want to say goodbye.

I have one more year left. One. And it seemed like yesterday that I was only a freshman, scared in the same way I am now. But it seemed as less intense of a transition - more familiar - only because I knew that the next year I was to see the same faces. And as the groups and cliques changed, so did the people. We all grew together - we all helped each other through it.

But I think that our class is different - our circumstances - because of the way we grew up together. Freshmen and Sophomores in one big, scary school - all going through the sudden shock of a change... We had to stick together: it was the only way to get by.

That's why it's going to be weird moving on. We are related. We all know what it feels like. We walked down the same hallways - had the same teachers. We all shared the experience.

And even though it's going to be difficult saying goodbye to the ones that are close, it feels even more awkwardly depressing saying goodbye to the ones who you may not have spoken to often - the ones who were always just there in high school. You may or may not have even been friends with them, but their presence just added to the aura of the experience.

It makes me realize how much I just don't want to leave.

Yet at the same time, I can't wait to get out of here.
I'm just not ready to let go of the things that have gotten me through high school - that glance, that sheepish smile... that wave. that hello. that conversation.

It's the small things that have helped me.
And the big things too.
Everything...

... these are my feelings - and I don't think that I'm alone.

... Guys, the job is almost done.
It's time take high school head-on.
Senior year, here I come.

Who knows when I'll be set and ready to go.

Sometimes you simply just have to jump.

...

All right.
Here, take my hand.
You ready?

...

One.
Two.
Three.

Whoooo.

I have returned!!

From nothing really, except maybe, a really hectic week.

Ben's home from the hospital (he came home on Friday), and he's doing fine. He has a mild form of Moyamoya, a rare Japanese disease that affects an artery in his brain. It's usually treated by a surgery of some sort, but his is so exceptionally mild that they didn't choose that path.

Otherwise, things are going well....
Today is my second day at Panera.

Josh and I are fantastic.

Um....

I had CiCi's today....

....

Oh! And I talked to Mrs. Hoinkes about my schedule for next year. There were a few large gaps in it, and we fixed them today...

Here's my schedule!!!

Marking Period - Block - Class - Teacher

Semester 1
1234 - 0 - Early Bird Strength & Speed Training - Hillman
12 - 1 - English 4 AP - Hubbard
1234 - 2B - Wind Symphony - Leeb
1234 - 2S - A Cappella Choir - Barsch
1 - 3 - Music Theory 1 - Barsch
2 - 3 - Music Theory 2 - Barsch
1 - 4 - Dean's Office Helper - N/A
2 - 4 - Internship - Leeb

Semester 2
1234 - 0 - Early Bird Strength & Speed Training - (someone new)
3 - 1 - Consumer Education - ????
4 - 1 - Teacher's Assistant (Choir) - Barsch
1234 - 2B - Wind Symphony - Leeb
1234 - 2S - A Cappella Choir - Barsch
34 - 3 - Physics Honors - Dutton
34 - 4 - Music Theory AP - Barsch

----

So it's all right... I'm pretty confident about it. Hopefully, I'll be able to juggle Marching Band, work, and possibly drama once school starts, but I'll have to wait and see.

That's pretty much the gist of my life, as of yet.
[[ shrugs ]]

Mehhhh.

Have a happy day!

~ Hilary
( who knows when another post will come )

Thanks for the continuous support...

Here's the story, or as much that I am permitted to put into words...

Benjamin (Joshua's (my boyfriend's) brother) has been sick the past week.
He has Down Syndrome, so his immune system is weaker than yours or mine.

As usual, he had a very high fever. He was prescribed medicine to help alleviate and break the fever. A few days later, he awoke to a fever so high that he was convulsing. Also, he could not move his right hand very well.

Taken to the E.R., the doctor's diagnosis is pneumonia in the upper parts of both lungs.
He's at Children's Memorial Hospital in downtown Chicago with Mr. and Mrs. Reifsteck currently.
He MAY have suffered a stroke, but a minor one at that, as he is fully responsive and can move his entire body, including his right hand. He only cannot pick things up.
The doctor's are continuing with tests and the like, and they made the decision to have him in the pediatric ICU to keep an eye on him and his brain.

After the progress made from last night into today, I already see God's hand on Benjamin's body. Thanks to your continuous prayer and support, we can see the blessing and miracle that God has already begun.

Please continue praying for Benjamin's healing, the Reifsteck family, and for the doctors' wisdom to bring Benjamin back to full health.

----

In other news, I surprised Joshua to a day in The Windy City and a Marc Broussard concert at the House of Blues on Friday. He was, needless to say, incredibly surprised and had a blast, I'm sure. We took the train, ate Ed Debevic's, and saw Mr. Barsch at the concert. It was so much fun.

Yesterday, I had senior pictures at Photography By Feltes. They felt very good. I hope they turn out great. Josh was one of my props. ^-^
Then we got a free lunch because Allied Bank had its grand opening.
And we had Panera for dinner. And I got a discount. Huzzah.

And we watched the movie, Miss Potter, a movie based on Beatrice Potter's life (The Tales of Peter Rabbit).

Yay.

I also saw The Fantasticks today with Josh.

It was so bizarre.
But it grew on me.
And now I love it.

^-^

And to brighten our spirits, A Shade of Difference is playing at Greenleaf Coffee House today, and I'm sitting here listening.

Well, sorry to bore you.
Thank you SO MUCH for the prayers!

I love you.

---

When he holds me close,
&& I can hear his heartbeat,
&& kiss his lips, I realize,
this is where I want to be,
&& this is how I always want to feel

XD

I'm going crazy.

...

Hm.
What should I do?

[[ dances away ]]

I feel like Edward from Cowboy Bebop. Free. Wispy. Floating.

Whoooo.

....

I should be enjoying these times, when I am young.

Enjoying them before I get busy.
Before I have to enter the real world.
Before I get to pretend again.

After all, that's what summer is for, isn't it?

...will you share your life with me, for the next ten minutes?

All Set for Senior Pics

I got my clothes.
And I got my hair cut.

Tomorrow's our double date with Caitlyn and her boyfriend.

sweet.

Noodles & Co. and Jamba.

yay.

well,
goodnight.

<3
chillie

j000000000rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrBBBBBBBBB

I work at Panera!

w00t!

=)

let me dance with you?

=D

may I change your world?

=P

I like this verse. And this part of a IM convo. And Josh. =D

"Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." ~ James 4:14

----

Ahh.... Deanna, you make me laugh. It's nice catching up with you.

theregoesahobo: so any cute boys in your life?
Dlvvanzor: Ha.
Dlvvanzor: I dont even have a life to have cute boys IN
theregoesahobo: yeah, me neither
theregoesahobo: kind of works perfectly with josh then
Dlvvanzor: You have a bf. You're not allowed.
Dlvvanzor: yeah
theregoesahobo: because he has no life either
Dlvvanzor: lol
Dlvvanzor: spend the rest of your not-lives together!
theregoesahobo: yep
theregoesahobo: pretty much

---

Teeheeheehee.

Check this out, more pictures!

Just Because I Can...

These are very obnoxious, but hey, it's okay to be annoying every once in a while...

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you or have you ever had a crush on me?
5. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impression?
8. Do you still think that way about me now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When's the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
14. Are you going to post this in your notes and see what I say about you?

Guess Who's Back....???

Sun-cooked me!

SWC was so much fun.
It was the week of my life.

And I never thought that week could have been replaced.
...

Well, I suppose it wasn't really replaced.
That was the best week of my life in a different sense.

Anyway. Thinking out loud.

Yeah.
I'm pretty perturbed right now.

I don't really want to complain so I'll just say this:
I'm so sick and tired of being second class compared to him. Compared to everyone.

Am I really that bad?
Where does all the energy go?
The potential?

Why can't I be matched up with what I'm truly talented at?

Merrrrrrrg.

I'm really kind of more than enough annoyed right now.


...

Feel free to leave comments!

^-^;

2 days. 16 hours. 14 minutes. And counting down...

[[ excitement ensues ]]

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.
Man, it was AWESOME!!!!

Smith Walbridge is coming.
Cannot wait.

Ahhhh!

I love you, and everything you do.

<3

chillie

Happy 4th of July!

This is what I did today:

~ woke up ~
~ took a shower ~
~ learned how to grill chicken ~
~ grilled said chicken ~
~ help Josh make chicken quesadillas ~
~ attempted to grill hamburgers ~
~ had an epic duel with the grill ~
~ prevailed in the epic battle between the grill and me, saving the world of hamburgers as we know it ~
~ then bequeathed my trusty weapon - my spatula - to my dear mother, a warrior of greater calibur than I, along with my crazy mad style pattie-flipping, grill-conquering powers ~
~ That, and I wanted to help Josh ~
~ grilled hotdogs ~
~ ate chicken quesadillas ~
~ drank energy drink, Bawls ~
~ watched Fantastic Four ~
~ left for Josh's house ~
~ went to Meijer's on the way to Josh's house ~
~ went to Josh's house ~
~ ate Rainbow Twizzlers and gummy Lifesavers at Josh's house ~
~ watched t.v. ~
~ went on the internet ~

And this is what our plans are for later:

~ eat a yummy homemade meal at Josh's house ~
~ eat a yummy dessert that Josh's mommy made ~
~ lay around and let the yummy food digest ~
~ meet my family at the Lowe's on Orchard Rd. for Aurora fireworks ~
~ walk to IMSA to watch said fireworks ~

The fireworks, being that it doesn't rain prior to...

And tomorrow...

~ hang out with Joshua ~
~ go to the movies and see Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Transformers, or Ratatouille. ~

Yep.

And then, I'm off to St. Louis for my cousin's wedding reception, and then DRUM MAJOR CAMP!!!

w00t!

4 DAYS.
'Til Smith-Walbridge.

I'm excited.

Yup, yup.

Have a very safe and wonderful FOURTH of JULY!
=)

Many loves.

<3

chillie

I'm not dead, no! I'm still alive.

^ that's on the back of my iPod ^

^-^;

Please talk to me.
~Hilary

You're so handsomely beautiful.

Is there anything else that I need to say?

Out to Lunch... Be Back Never. ^-^

I love that boy.

He's amazing.

---

Today, we picnicked at our super secret silent spot. We had tasty turkey sandwiches, with mayonnaise, lettuce, and cheese. Tostido's tortilla chips ("with a hint of lime" flavored). Fruit salad. And to top it off, iced tea. =)

It was still sunny at the time, too!

A little too muggy for our taste, we headed over to Old Navy to begin our (well, my) shopping extravaganza! We had waited to spend some time together so we could travel to Old Navy and spend the gift card he gave to me on my birthday.

And we finally got to.

It was entertaining, too... seeing him help shop with me...

... oh my goodness, he's the perfect boy ...
Not even kidding.

But anyway, because everything on clearance was too big or too small or too wintry or too ugly, we decided to start out in the flip-flop section of the store.

That's probably not a smart idea.
I love flip-flops.

They were super cheap, so I got one pair and still had enough for an article of clothing.
I've been looking for a cute zip-up hoodie, and I was hoping I could find one.

And I did!

I got a white zip-up that's thinner, so I can wear it in the summertime and wintertime.

=)

Happiness!

=)

After I made my purchases, I ended up with $1.87 left to put in my wallet as cash... It's always a good thing.

Then we made an excursion to Kohl's because his parents had given me a $25 gift card for my birthday as well.

I like clothing.
^-^

While we were there, Josh gave me this "camp" bracelet that he made with his kids at the YMCA camp he works at.

It's cute.
I won't take it off.
=)

Anyway, I found these really cute Soffee shorts that were green and had cherries all over them. I almost bought them, but they didn't have a size that wouldn't shrink in the wash.

I did find some navy shorts though, and I've been looking for some for a while now. They were just the right price and size and everything.

At the end of my spree, I bought those navy shorts, these green pebbly bracelets, and some cute cloth capris. They're white and have blue seagulls on them (like Aeropostle-type birds).

So I got my summery clothing, and it all looks super adorable.
And it matches me perfectly.

After all of that, Josh and I ended our afternoon with a trip to Starbucks Coffee. I got a Raspberry Mocha Frappuccino and it was delightful... and succulent. ^-^

I also got an application to work there, because I am going to save my money for an Apple laptop like no other.

=)

So, needless to say, after all that wasted space above, I had a great afternoon.

---

Finally, Pastor Tim Dilena is speaking at IDT tomorrow night. That makes me super excited!
Josh even asked if he could go to church with me, and that makes me even more happy.

I'm finally getting something right.

And that is the best thing I could ever have.

Happy day!

<3

chillie

See, I'm Smiling! =D

...

And it's all because of you...

...

Two Ponderable Questions

But first!

Grades!!
Hot off the presses!

...

hee hee hee.
Maybe, but not really.

Here goes:

2006 - 2007 School Year (Junior Year)

Semester 1
Class Teacher Grade
Early Bird - Jurkovich - A
Analysis Honors - Gossett - B+
Wind Symphony - Leeb - A
A Cappella Choir - Barsch - A
Theater Arts - Fruits - A
U.S. History Honors - Leubner - B

Semester 2
Class Teacher Grade
Early Bird - Jurkovich - A
Spanish 4 - Lopez - A-
Wind Symphony - Leeb - A+
A Cappella Choir - Barsch - A+
AP U.S. Gov - Hurt - A+
English 3 Accelerated Honors - Query - B

GPA Junior Year: 4.0588
Cumulative GPA: 4.1020

Class rank: 15/429
And that, my friends, is the top 3.5% of my class.

I'm so happy.
And thankful.

I worked hard for that 15th rank.
Junior year is the hardest.
Don't slack off.

[[ sigh ]]
[[ of ]]
[[ relief ]]

....

Kay.
So the real point of my post.

Here are two questions that make me laugh out loud:

number [[ one ]] :
"Once you're in Heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?"

&&&'

number [[ two ]] :
"If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?"

That one really got me.

^-^
Enjoy.

<3
chillie

---

RD Week starts TOMORROW!

=D