Hoy...

...today...

...was...

...humiliating...
...lonely...
...frustrating...
...off...

...but it wasn't bad...

I don't know what's been up for the past couple of weeks, but I've been struggling, kind of.

I don't understand so many things.
I want to learn more.

I've been waiting, though.
And I'm getting VERY impatient...

When is something ever going to come naturally to me???
I look around and see so many talented people that make life just look so easy!

---

*cough*

...

...and there I go again...
...one more time...
...once more...

...selling myself short.
...being selfish.
...being full of pity.
...being downright distasteful.

No one ever wants to hear complaints.

I'm pausing.

Let's have a deep breath.
Breathe in,
Breathe out.

...

Feel better yet???

...

I hope I do soon.

I'm really not in all that bad of a mood.
~* <3>

I never thought this day would come. My senior buddies, good luck!

He's everything I could ask for, but nothing I deserve.

...

That's anything, and everything I have to say.

Goodnight, my loved ones.
Go to sleep.

<3,

Chillie.

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you.

Well, it always seems like one is supposed to be sick for Memorial Day weekend into a busy week of auditions.
It makes sense, doesn't it???

My nose will fall off by Friday.

=]]

I hope you all don't miss it too terribly much.

Oh, and the Senior Prank was today.
Laaaaaaaammmmmme.
At least they're letting the 20 bazillion people who got suspended walk at graduation.
Water balloons don't hurt anyone.

Pshaw!!

Anyway, I made Tres Leches cake again for the Deans Office, and the Deans will be providing Jimmy John's for lunch tomorrow.

=P

Yummy!

Song time.
Ready, Set, GO!

---

You and Me
~ Lifehouse ~

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive.
I can't keep up,
And I can't back down,
I've been losing so much time.

'Cause it's you and me
And all other people,
With nothing to do,
nothing to lose.

And it's you and me
And all other people
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you.

All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right.
I'm tripping with words,
You got my head spinning,
I don't know where to go from here.

'Cause it's you and me,
And all other people,
With nothing to do,
Nothing to prove.

And it's you and me,
And all other people,
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you.

There's something about you, now,
I can't quite figure out.
Everything [he] does is beautiful...
Everything [he] does is right...

You and me,
And all other people,
With nothing to do,
Nothing to lose.

And it's you and me,
And all other people,
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of...

You and me,
And all of the people,
With nothing to do,
Nothing to prove,

And it's you and me,
And all other people,
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you.

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive.


Mucho
<3,

chillie!

It's a cold and it's a broken, "hallelujah."

I reserve this post for the best song... EVER!
And it's because it's by Jeff Buckley.
He's a BEAST!

Hallelujah
~ Jeff Buckley ~

I heard there was a secret chord,
That David played and it pleased the Lord,
but you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well, it goes like this:
The fourth, the fifth,
The minor fall and the major lift,
The baffled king composing, "Hallelujah."

Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...

Well, your faith was strong, but you needed proof.
You saw her bathing on the roof.
Her beauty, and the moonlight overthrew ya.
She tied you to her kitchen chair,
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair,
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah.

Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...

Baby, I've been here before.
I've seen this room, and I've walked this floor.
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch,
But love is not a victory march.
It's a cold and it's a broken, "hallelujah."

Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...

Well, there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below,
But now you never show that to me, do ya?
But remember when I moved in you?
And the Holy Dove was moving too?
And every breath we drew was "Hallelujah?"

Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...

Well, maybe there's a God above,
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.
It's not a cry that you hear at night,
It's not somebody who's seen the light,
It's a cold and it's a broken "Hallelujah."

Hallelujah..
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...

Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...

Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...

---

Am I supposed to be feeling this immature?
Am I supposed to be this angry?
Am I supposed to lose yet one more person in my life?

God, I don't think I can count any higher than 10.

All I want is peace.
I don't want to lose another one... not one more death.

Many and sweet may be your dreams,
<3
Chillie

Hey, look! I'm alive!

Wow, it really has been a while.

Many thanks for the "Happy Birthday's." I genuinely appreciated them.

I hung out with Sammy Skye tonight. It was surely wonderful!
She is so amazing. I don't know what I'd do without her.
Happy almost birthday, my love.

And now, a song. Dedicated to Josh, Sam, and Jake.
It's a favorite.


Truly Madly Deeply
~ Savage Garden ~

I'll be your dream,
I'll be your wish,
I'll be your fantasy.

I'll be your hope,
I'll be your love,
Be everything that you need.

I love you more
With every breath
Truly madly deeply do...

I will be strong
I will be faithful
'Cause I'm counting on a new beginning.

A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.

Yeah...

I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

And when the stars
Are shining brightly
In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish
Send it to heaven
And make you want to cry..

The tears of joy
For all the pleasure
And the certainty.

That we're surrounded
By the comfort and protection of
The highest powers.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you..

I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

Oh can you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cause it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream,
I'll be your wish,
I'll be your fantasy.

I'll be your hope,
I'll be your love,
Be everything that you need.

I love you more
With every breath
Truly madly deeply do...

I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna live like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

oh yeah... oh yeah

I love you, my Joshua.
Never forget that.

<3,
your chillie.

Hi! My name is Chillie!

That's my new name, according to Josh... er, I mean Joe Shua.

Crazy week behind, crazy weeks ahead.

The musical was amazing... I mean "TAPIOCA" (Anastasia called the musical that).
It was the best show I've ever performed at OEHS.
It's sad to know that it's behind me now, but I'll move on.

Here's what's in store for this week:

- Concert Band / Wind Ensemble concert tomorrow -
- My birthday's on Tuesday! -
- But so is the Senior Awards Night! -
- Oh, and Spotlight rehearsal. -
- Wednesday = a Wind Symphony / Symphonic Band concert -
- Thursday = OEHS Choir Concert, w00t. -
- And Friday comes and Patron of the Arts are due. -

What a whopper week.

Then comes pre-grad week, with fine arts banquets, drum major auditions (I'm assuming????), rehearsals, and goodbyes.

Other than that, I think I'm all worn out.
Like majorly.

Oh, and Josh's family took me and Josh's dad out for a BIRTHDAY DINNER!
We went to Red Lobster's.
Mmmmmmmmmmm!

And yesterday, Keith and I made Tres Leches.
Yummmers.

And it's late.
So with that,
I bid thee all adieu,

~ yours truly ~
<3
Chillie

OSWEGO EAST HIGH SCHOOL PRESENTS...

DAMN YANKEES!

When: Wednesday - Saturday, 5/16 - 5/19
Time: 7:00 p.m.
Cost online: $7 students, $8 adults
Cost at the door: $8 students, $9 adults

Come see us!
Purchase your tickets online today:
OEPAC.ORG

What a way to start the week!

Well, I was happier until I found out about the 28 on my ACT.

Schmeh.

At least I'm going to get into college.
Maybe I'll take it a fourth and fifth time.
Maybe I'll get a better score.

Maybe I was right.
School really ain't my thing.

...

And I'm going to marry the valedictorian of Oswego East's first senior class someday.
Psh.

I feel inadequate.
Typing a paper,
~Hilary

Oh, and yesterday's picnic on the hill was one of those times where I didn't want to be with anyone else except those people. I enjoyed myself.

Seeing a shooting star last night made me fall in love with where I was at.
I didn't want to move.
I didn't want to leave.

Time stood still, frozen and unmoving.
It made me forget the world.
It made me forget I have a paper due.
Or that Asia's in Heaven now.
Or even that my birthday's in 9 days.

It made me forget.
I forgot everything unfolded in the past two days.
The past two weeks.
The past two months...

I forgot my sadness and my fears.
My regrets and my frustration.

For once in a long time,
I just laid there,
And soaked up the time.

And I didn't have to be with Josh.
Or my family.

I just got to be with my friends.

For one more time in my life,
I just wanted to stay in that very spot.

...

...For the rest of my life.

Goodnight, my loved one. Go to sleep.

You know it's tech week when you haven't updated since Saturday... and it's Friday.

Well, quite honestly, I have nothing to say.

...

I mean, nothing formulated.

So much has been going on, I've been so focused...
But at the same time, I'm distracted.
I'm gone.

You know, the other day in choir we discussed Shrum's piece, "Goodnight, My Loved One."
And Mr. Barsch was talking about that line: "Goodnight, my loved one / go to sleep..."
He was saying how sometimes the best thing you can ever tell someone is to sleep.
Especially when things get tough...
He said that sometimes things are so tentative or difficult that the only thing you can do to escape your problems is to sleep.

I cannot wait to do that.

I have no words to describe how I felt last night.
I was frustrated originally, you know, due to rehearsal, my day, etc.
But then, I was low.
And I when I found out....
....that...that Asia died....
I cried.

I couldn't believe it.

And I thanked God... You know, thanked him for taking care of Asia and keeping her alive for 3 extra months. And I am glad that she's in Heaven now.

But that doesn't take away the fact that she's not here.
And I am.
That I miss her.
That I still have to wait.

It makes me sad.
I am sad.
Tired and sad.

The only thing I want....

....

The one thing I want more than anything else...

...is peace.

Stormy skies ahead, literally!

So yesterday, Josh and I were thinking about what we were going to do for Patron of the Arts...
His mom suggested that we see Waubonsee Valley High School's musical.
That was a very good suggestion!

Their production was "Thoroughly Modern Millie," and it was SPECTACULAR.
I only knew two are three people from church or speech team and what not, but needless to say, it was up there with some of the musicals I've seen. The best musical I've ever seen was OHS's "Guys and Dolls," second place is tied with our "Pirates of Penzance," and this show. It was that good.

Then Josh took me out to Kendall 10 this morning to see Spiderman 3. Amazing.
I have to review it for the OEHS student newspaper, but it was part of my birthday present.

Man, it was good!

After that we went to Camille's for lunch. Tasty!
Yum yum yum.

We watched Modern Marvels on the History Channel, and then he went home.

Now I have to get some homework finished.
TTFN, ta ta for now!

~Hilary

Can YOU guess 50 iTunes songs, chosen at RANDOM?!?!?!?!

* Borrowing from Freddie, adding 20 more songs *

Rules:
Put your iTunes or equivalent on random.

Post the first line from the first 50 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.

Bold out the songs when someone guesses correctly.

Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

You have to get the song and band for it to count.

1. "There are people, and they are publishing my book."
2. "Your pretty face is not enough"
3. "All the girls in the bathroom talkin'"
4. "All aboard!!! Hahahaha"
5. "I can show you the world..."
6. "There's always that one person that will always have your heart."
7. "Are there no shadows where you are"
8. "I heard you're doing okay, but I want you to know"
9. "Something in the rain, she moves."
10. "Everytime when I look in the mirror..."
11. "Someday, when I'm awfully low, when the world is cold..."
12. "The sun is shining everyday, the clouds never get in the way"
13. "Do not get me wrong, I cannot wait for her to come home."
14. "Looking back, he sees it all.."
15. "Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnny Ray"
16. "Hands touch, eyes meet..."
17. "This rock is tied around my ankle, this thorn is buried in my skin..."
18. "I think you know what I'm getting at, I find it so upsetting that..."
19. "But Peter, how do we get to Neverland?"
20. "Smile though your heart is aching..."
21. "The strands in your eyes, that color them wonderful..."
22. "You think I'm an ignorant savage..."
23. "The sun just slipped its note below my door..."
24. "I'm fifteen in, for a moment, caught in between 10 and 20..."
25. "I saw your sky fall down today, suddenly turned from blue to gray"
26. "Cathedral bells were tolling and our hearts sang on..."
27. "Where are we, what the hell is going on?"
28. "You are the promised kiss of springtime that makes the lonely winter..."
29. "You've been bad, you know you've been good..."
30. "Well, I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind."
31. "The dawn is breaking, a light shining through."
32. "Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking..."
33. "Tale as old as time, true as it can be..."
34. "The splendor of a king, clothed in majesty..."
35. "It's cold outside, or is that just the chill I feel inside..."
36. "You've gotta have heart, all you really need is heart..."
37. "Her face is a map of the world, is a map of the world..."
38. "When I made up my mind, and my heart along with that..."
39. "I've given up, I'm giving up slowly..."
40. "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me..."
41. "Hold the milk, put back the sugar, they are powerless to console."
42. "Like the sound of silence calling, I hear your voice and suddenly..."
43. "Just take a little time out with me..."
44. "How the hell did we wind up like this?"
45. "Help! I need somebody!"
46. "Hey kid, good morning, you look like an angel."
47. "Can anyone hear me, does anyone around me..."
48. "Hope dangles on a string, like slow spinning redemption."
49. "There's a place off Ocean Avenue where I used to sit and talk with you."
50. "Take a look at the mountain, stretching a mile high..."

There you go, 50 of my iTunes songs.
Enjoy guessing!!
Once you guess correctly, I will tag you.

~Hilary

He's all that I need to fall into.

Teardrops on My Guitar
~ Taylor Swift ~

Drew looks at me,
I fake a smile so he won't see.
That I want,
And I'm needing everything that we should be.

I'll bet she's beautiful,
That girl he talks about.
And she's got everything that I have to live without.

Drew talks to me,
I laugh cause it's so damn funny.
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me.

He says he's so in love,
He's finally got it right.
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night.

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar.
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
Don't know why I do.

Drew walks by me,
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes,
So perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be.

She'd better hold him tight,
Give him all her love.
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause:

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar.
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
Don't know why I do.

So I drive home alone.
As I turn out the light,
I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight.

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar.
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
Don't know why I do.
He's the time taken up,
But there's never enough.
And he's all that I need to fall into...

Drew looks at me,
I fake a smile so he won't see.

---
Hrmm... Beautiful song. It reminds me of Josh, only I'm both the narrator AND the girl being sung about.

^-^

...

Well, the job thing didn't work out so well. I have to check with them again when the school year is over.
Poopy.

Well, never hurts be a little less busy...??? I guess???

[[ sigh ]]

~ H...

---

"...[he] walks by me,
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes,
So perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be."

A New Musical Coming Soon...

"How to Succeed in Getting Hired For a Job... Without Really Trying."

^^ Um, that pretty much sums up my life right now, and I'm SO excited about it. ^^

I definitely got hired yesterday on the phone, after turning my application in LAST summer!
Rosati's Pizza employee, at your service.

I can't wait, people.
I'm so pumped!

Lovin' it.
~Hilary

NEW PROM PICTURES

I like my boyfriend!

=)

Check it out, new pictures on my facebook.
I added some more prom pictures (courtesy Mrs. Reifsteck).

Here's the LINK!